How to make a million dollars playing music? Start with two million.
What do you call a beautiful woman on a musicians’ arm? A tattoo.
The difference between a conductor and a bag of manure? The bag.
What happens if you play blues or country backwards? Your wife returns, your dog comes back to life, and you get out of prison.
What is a musician called who only knows 3 chords? A music critic.
How do you keep your guitar from being stolen? Put it in a tuba case.
What’s the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner? You have to plug one in before it sucks.
Rare sight: A lead singer who carries equipment other than a microphone and change of clothes.
The difference between a bull and a lead singer fronting a brass band? The bull has the horns in front and the ass in the rear.
How many Grateful Deadheads does it take to change a lightbulb? 12,001. One to change it, 2.000 to record the event and take pictures, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.