I moved from another country. dedicated my life to teachings. I was compelled.

I realize now that i was young and Gulliable.

Moments that caused me to question:

Number one was when JZ called a meeting and asked for donations to keep the school from bankruptcy.
I had given her every cent I made beyond my cost of living as did thousands of others.

she must have been pulling 3 to 5 million a year out of her barn.
with a dirt floor.

Sorry if you can’t manage your money but I got no more to give

I heard all the comments about how much the school cost to run etc etc but I have since gained experience in these matters and it is a sham.

Perhap she should have refrained from ordering the 400 year old japanese maple from japan…. you see where I am going.

Number 2

Wine ceremonies. They seemed fun at first. People getting absolutley wasted chuggu=ing red wine. After a while the fights, sex in the woods, puking, hangovers bullshit become a complete bore.

There were times when I remained sober and watched the chaos around me. I was completely sober with 1000 of the most inebriated people I have ever seen. It was a bit intimidating. For the most part they are a good willed group but there are a number of wackos.

I had a drinking problem as a youth and as I watched my friends go down the road of drinking and drug use and the negative effects it was having on their lives I decided this was no longer for me.

Number 3 was when we all stared making elixer of life from seawater by precipitaing minerals from the water and drinking this thick white liquid that I could only decsribe as cold whale semen. YUCK. drank it 3 times and said f*** that.

I have watched many people decline in numerous ways. The biggest thing is the gut wrenching fear that permeates the community. There is no investment in any kind of real future for the community as everyone believes the end is imminent. Many have believed this for 20 years or more.

I say that population growth, resource depletion and financial systems problems are something that faced every society and will continue to forever. We should not give up on these issues and plan for a ficticious event that will purify us all.

The ramsters are so judgmental of each other and show now compassion due to the fact the believe you are 100% responsible for the conditions of your life. The seem to hold unfathomable faith in our abilities to be superhuman in the face of the reality that conditions to which many of them choose to live have caused many of them to decline in quality if life from excessive pipe tobacco smoking( a RSE ritual) to binge drinking of the highest order, Massive use of Ecstacy and amphetamines throughout the community. Many though ecstacy to be the elixer of life. Some people got rich Is what saw. Some of the most prominent members of the inner circle were involved in Exstasy distribution. I don’t think RSE promoted MDMA directly but there was a lot of talk about white powder gold being an elixer of life at this time.

I do not know if JZ Knight condoned it or used ecstasy but a lot of students did

There was a lot of good knowledge mixed in with a whole lot of quackery and manipulation.

I believe most people involved cannot see how brainwashed they are. It took me years to unwind all the fear and paranoia.

They seriously believe they have ‘inside’ information.

I was enticed by teachings that challenged me to become greater than myself. I had some profound experiences at RSE. But these were a result of dedicated self reflection which I have come to realize has always been a natural part of our growth. Challenging situations make us grow. So for that I guess i am thankfull that I grew out of the need to be abused and treated like I am worthless and a meal ticket for a greedy needy person. Thanks JZ