{"id":1781,"date":"2007-06-14T19:42:54","date_gmt":"2007-06-15T01:42:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.conradaskland.com\/blog\/2007\/06\/a-players-guide-for-keeping-conductors-in-line\/"},"modified":"2007-06-15T23:45:07","modified_gmt":"2007-06-16T05:45:07","slug":"a-players-guide-for-keeping-conductors-in-line","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/a-players-guide-for-keeping-conductors-in-line\/","title":{"rendered":"A Player’s Guide for Keeping Conductors in Line"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Player’s Guide for Keeping Conductors in Line<\/h3>\n

by Donn Laurence Mills<\/p>\n

If there were a basic training manual for orchestra players, it might include ways to practice not only music, but one-upmanship. It seems as if many young players take pride in getting the conductor’s goat. The following rules are intended as a guide to the development of habits that will irritate the conductor. (Variations and additional methods depend upon the imagination and skill of the player.)<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Never be satisfied with the tuning note. Fussing about the pitch takes attention away from the podium and puts it on you, where it belongs.<\/li>\n
  2. When raising the music stand, be sure the top comes off and spills the music on the floor.<\/li>\n
  3. Complain about the temperature of the rehearsal room, the lighting, crowded space, or a draft. It’s best to do this when the conductor is under pressure.<\/li>\n
  4. Look the other way just before cues.<\/li>\n
  5. Never have the proper mute, a spare set of strings, or extra reeds. Percussion players must never<\/em> have all their equipment.<\/li>\n
  6. Ask for a re-audition or seating change. Ask often. Give the impression you’re about to quit. Let the conductor know you’re there as a personal favor.<\/li>\n
  7. Pluck the strings as if you are checking tuning at every opportunity, especially when the conductor is giving instructions. Brass players: drop mutes. Percussionists have a wide variety of dropable items, but cymbals are unquestionably the best because they roll around for several seconds.<\/li>\n
  8. Loudly blow water from the keys during pauses (Horn, oboe and clarinet players are trained to do this from birth).<\/li>\n
  9. Long after a passage has gone by, ask the conductor if your C# was in tune. This is especially effective if you had no C# or were not playing at the time. (If he catches you, pretend to be correcting a note in your part.)<\/li>\n
  10. At dramatic moments in the music (while the conductor is emoting) be busy marking your music so that the climaxes will sound empty and disappointing.<\/li>\n
  11. Wait until well into a rehearsal before letting the conductor know you don’t have the music.<\/li>\n
  12. Look at your watch frequently. Shake it in disbelief occasionally.<\/li>\n
  13. Tell the conductor, “I can’t find the beat.” Conductors are always sensitive about their “stick technique”, so challenge it frequently.<\/li>\n
  14. As the conductor if he has listened to the Bernstein recording of the piece. Imply that he could learn a thing or two from it. Also good: ask “Is this the first time you’ve conducted this piece?”<\/li>\n
  15. When rehearsing a difficult passage, screw up your face and shake your head indicating that you’ll never be able to play it. Don’t say anything: make him wonder.<\/li>\n
  16. If your articulation differs from that of others playing the same phrase, stick to your guns. Do not ask the conductor which is correct until backstage just before the concert.<\/li>\n
  17. Find an excuse to leave rehearsal about 15 minutes early so that others will become restless and start to pack up and fidget.<\/li>\n
  18. During applause, smile weakly or show no expression at all. Better yet, nonchalantly put away your instrument. Make the conductor feel he is keeping you from doing something really important.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    It is time that players reminded their conductors of the facts of life: just who do conductors think they are, anyway?<\/p>\n

    Donn Laurence Mills is the NSOA contributing editor. He holds music degrees from Northwestern University and Eastman School of Music. A conductor and music educator, he is also the American educational director for the Yamaha Foundation of Tokyo.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    A Player’s Guide for Keeping Conductors in Line by Donn Laurence Mills If there were a basic training manual for orchestra players, it might include ways to practice not only music, but one-upmanship. It seems as if many young players take pride in getting the conductor’s goat. The following rules are intended as a guide […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,3],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3C0LX-sJ","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1781"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1781"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1781\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1781"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1781"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1781"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}