{"id":1922,"date":"2007-07-23T01:31:38","date_gmt":"2007-07-23T07:31:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.conradaskland.com\/blog\/2007\/07\/25-things-learned-in-50-years\/"},"modified":"2007-07-23T01:31:38","modified_gmt":"2007-07-23T07:31:38","slug":"25-things-learned-in-50-years","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/25-things-learned-in-50-years\/","title":{"rendered":"25 Things Learned in 50 Years"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00c2 25 things I have learned in 50 years\u00c2 (by Dave Barry)<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of
\nhelicopters in it.<\/p>\n

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
\nreason why we observe daylight-saving time.<\/p>\n

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense
\nof humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.<\/p>\n

4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is
\nentertainment.<\/p>\n

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you
\nthink she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her
\nat that moment.<\/p>\n

6. A penny saved is worthless.<\/p>\n

7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be
\npeace in the Middle East.\u00c2 Billions of years from now, when Earth is
\nhurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet
\nexcept a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East
\nwill be bitter enemies.<\/p>\n

8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.<\/p>\n

9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender,
\nreligion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down
\ninside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.<\/p>\n

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make
\na big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.<\/p>\n

11. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”<\/p>\n

12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
\nwant you to share yours with them.<\/p>\n

13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that
\ngenerates concepts for television sitcoms.\u00c2 When TV executives need a
\nnew concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions
\nof possible plot premises, it spits out, “THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE
\nYOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT,” and the executives turn this
\nconcept into a show.\u00c2 The next time they need an idea, the computer
\nspits out, “SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN
\nAPARTMENT.” Then the next time, it spits out, “FOUR QUIRKY BUT
\nATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT.”\u00c2 And so on.\u00c2 We need
\nto locate this computer and destroy it with hammers.<\/p>\n

14. Nobody is normal.<\/p>\n

15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very
\nexcited and announce that:
\n* The universe is even bigger than they thought!
\n* There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
\n* Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.<\/p>\n

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has
\nnot achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
\nwould be “meetings.”<\/p>\n

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy
\npeople who are not in them.<\/p>\n

18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what
\nthe advertiser actually thinks. For example:
\n* If the advertisement says “This is not your father’s Oldsmobile,” the
\nadvertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other
\nOldsmobiles, appeals primarily to old farts like your father.
\n* If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that there
\nare significant differences between these two products, both companies
\nrealize that Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.
\n* If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable athletes
\nto perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard the fact that shoe
\nbrand is unrelated to athletic ability.
\n* If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing the
\ncritical importance of a beer’s “born-on” date, Budweiser knows this
\nfactor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer tastes.<\/p>\n

19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of
\nits glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will
\nnot use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.<\/p>\n

20. You should not confuse your career with your life.<\/p>\n

21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.<\/p>\n

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.<\/p>\n

23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual
\nwho perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often,
\nthat individual is crazy.<\/p>\n

24. Your friends love you anyway.<\/p>\n

25. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.<\/p>\n

— Dave Barry<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00c2 25 things I have learned in 50 years\u00c2 (by Dave Barry) 1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. 2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time. 3. People who feel the need to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3C0LX-v0","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1922"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1922"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1922\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1922"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1922"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/conradaskland.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1922"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}