Haggis vs. Lutefisk

haggis2.jpg I have learned much in this life. Some that I have learned are things that I wish I hadn’t. That is my introduction to Haggis, the unearthly revenge of Scotsmen they call food.

Lutefisk is something I am proud of as a Norwegian. True, it’s entirely disgusting. But Lutefisk gives Norwegians something to talk about when news is slow. I would guess that somewhere in the history of Scotland there must have been one too many rainy days. Somewhere, someone who did not want to be known, created the first Haggis.

Haggis is a traditional Scottish dish. Although there are many recipes, it is normally made with the following ingredients: sheep’s ‘pluck’ (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal’s stomach for approximately an hour.

I tried Haggis for the first time recently, or more accurately: Haggis tried me. I had been asked to direct some music for a Robert Burns dinner for the local Celtic Arts society (which was very fun, I even wrote some songs for the Burns dinner which you can find on my website here by searching for “Robert Burns music”.) The Master of Ceremonies for the Burns supper, Skye Richendrfer, asked one of our sopranos to lead the dinner guests in Auld Lang Syne and here is where our evening took a devlish turn: She innocently said, “Sure, I’d love to. As long as we can try some Haggis, I’ve never tried it.”

The words still echo a chill down my spine. We had no idea what we were in for.

If you cannot afford to buy authentic Haggis, let me explain to you how to make a substitute. Take a recipe for meatloaf and leave a chunk of that on your doorstep in the rain for a couple days. Make sure to invite creepy crawlies to nibble on it. Then leave it on your kitchen counter for a couple weeks. Next put it in your refrigerator and take it back out about two years later. That will be a close second.

But there’s an upside, and here’s where Haggis wins over the much loved Lutefisk. With Haggis you get to wash it down with Tequila and lime. If the Sons of Norway lodges would start serving Aquavit (Scandinavian Everclear) then we might have a fighting chance against the Scots.

I have eaten three things that are badges of courage: Haggis, Lutefisk and dog in South Korea. My Haggis badge I wear highest.

MODERN HAGGIS LORE

haggis2.JPG Haggis is an amusing subject for many people. Those who ask a Scotsman about it rarely get a straight answer. A common reply to the question “What is a haggis?” often goes along the following lines. “A haggis is a small three-legged Scottish Highland creature, which has the limbs on one side shorter than the other side. This means that it is well adapted to run around the hills at a steady altitude, without either ascending or descending. However a haggis can easily be caught by running around the hill in the opposite direction.” Surprisingly, this humorous myth is believed by many tourists, and thus they are shocked — and possibly disappointed — to hear the truth. See also sidehill gouger.

Many tourists are also duped (or nearly duped) by Scottish pranksters attempting to lead them on a ‘Wild Haggis Hunt’. The Scotsman newspaper’s web site runs an annual Haggis Hunt.

Haggis is also used in a sport called haggis hurling, throwing a haggis as far as possible. The present World Record for Haggis Hurling has been held by Alan Pettigrew for over 21 years. He threw a 1.5 lb Haggis an astonishing 180 feet, 10 inches on the island of Inchmurrin, Loch Lomond, in August 1984.

Tony McManus – Scottish Guitar

tony-mcmanus.jpg January 2007 I had the pleasure of hearing Tony McManus play guitar at the Robert Burns concert in Mount Vernon, WA. I was directing the Scottish choir in between his guitar presentations.

Tony McManus is not just a performer or musician, he is a divine experience. Let me tell you about it.

He was very unassuming backstage. In fact I didn’t know he was the headline performer. Very quiet and focused. A little light noodling to warm up, but nothing flashy. The kind of playing you’d expect from someone who is bashful to be heard. I had spoken with the sound man before the concert, he was a bit nervous because he hadn’t done sound checks yet with McManus and wasn’t sure what setup the artist would want. (As it turns out, a master artist like McManus already knows what is going to happen and was easily prepared.)

McManus was so low key before his portion that I made the incorrect assumption this was a throwaway gig for him (which it may very well have been, but you would never have known it from his performance). I got a lesson in master artist craftsmanship when he took the stage.

tonymcmanus3.jpgTony McManus walked slowly onto the stage and started talking in a very low relaxed voice. As if he was playing in your living room. He played with a style that made you think he hadn’t REALLY started playing yet, that he was just THINKING about playing and would get around to it eventually. He introduced his pieces, gave some background on Robert Burns and Auld Lange Syne.

Before you know it, the entire audience was laser-beam focused on him. His playing was so absolutely amazing, I can tell you that women backstage were literally swooning over the beauty of his music. (I am not exaggerating, they were “swooning”, as if they were on the verge of fainting from the overpowering beauty of tone.) To my ears it was like listening to the sound of diamond’s sparkle. I myself managed to restrain myself from visibly swooning.

And there was the lesson. He needed no great trumpet fanfare entrance. He did not need to establish himself as worthy of playing for us. He had no need of ego to show us that what he was doing was difficult. He simply was.

I have heard many world class acoustic guitar players (and politeness makes me withold that list for what comes next), but I have never heard a solo acoustic guitar player that touched my soul as the live playing of Tony McManus. I’d like to say the experience was mine alone, but no doubt it was shared by every single person in attendance that evening.

tony-mcmanus2.jpgTONY McMANUS GUITARS
Tony McManus plays a New Melville TM Custom, Kelday 0- 12 Fret, a Kelday Terz custom, Circa Dreadnaught by John Slobod, Mermer Sage by Rich Mermer, Fylde Magician Custom, Avalon A25J (successor to the Lowden Guitar Company) and a Larrivée L-10-12.

From the Tony McManus website:

To find a unique voice on so ubiquitous an instrument as the acoustic guitar is quite an achievement: to do so within a centuries old idiom where the instrument has no real history is truly remarkable. In little over ten years as a professional musician Tony McManus has come to be recognised throughout the world as the leading guitarist in Celtic Music. From early childhood his twin obsessions of traditional music and acoustic guitar have worked together to produce a startlingly original approach to this ancient art. In Tony’s hands the complex ornamentation normally associated with fiddles and pipes are accurately transferred to guitar in a way that preserves the integrity and emotional impact of the music.

Visit the Tony McManus Scottish Guitar Website.

Fonzie jumps the shark

“Jumping the Shark” is a term that designates the tipping point for an idea having run it’s course and has run out of new ideas. It comes from the episode of Happy Days where Fonzie jumps the shark, a widely accepted all time low in television. Visit www.jumptheshark.com for more info or Google “jump the shark” and see the page on Wikipedia with lots of info on this relatively new term.

Dracula Overture

conductor3.jpgHere it is, my new Dracula Overture. People have had emotional experiences listening to it. I wrote this for the Skagit Valley College Theater Department’s presentation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula at McIntyre Hall (Mount Vernnon, WA) – February 2007.

UPDATE – Check out the Dracula Overture Remix Competition!

I was asked to write music for the show less than 48 hours before it opened. Understandably many of the music cues were added on subsequent shows. This is the mix used on the closing show, February 18, 2007.

Dracula Overture by Conrad Askland – MP3

ABOUT THIS PIECE
It’s pretty dang creepy. It’s an overture for Dracula, it should be. I did a rough sketch of it and got positive feedback from the cast so I did a quick orchestration and added in female vocals to round it out. Dracula’s castle is located in the Carpathian mountains – the cast jokingly refer to this song as the “Carpathian National Anthem”.

One thing I like about the intent of this piece – it sobers up the audience for the mood of the play very quickly. Interesting to me, when I first did a remix with the female vocals I brought all of the vocals down in the mix. It didn’t have the same effect, didn’t feel like the audience was in the mood of the production. I brought the vocals back up and it seemed to do the trick.

The heavy chant is derivative of the Rite of Spring by Igor Stravinsky. I often pull ideas from the Rite of Spring when I’m working on darker pieces. Why? The Rite of Spring pretty much freaks me out. It should be noted that the Rite of Spring was dedicated by Igor Stravinsky to the Glory of God, he had a religious conversion late in life. But when Rite of Spring was first premiered it caused riots. The music is dark and is often used as a template for suspense and horror soundtracks. The theme of Rite of Spring is based on pagan dance.

Several people have asked me what language is being sung on my Dracula Overture. It’s just words I made up using percussive consonants and quasi Latin. I wanted to allude to Dracula and the struggle against good and the power of the crucifix. So I came up with the word “Drahko” to phonetically represent Dracula and the Latin “Christo” with an “o” on the end. There is also the word “Creya”, an allusion to the Creed and the Spanish “creer” (to believe). The end result should be nice percussive sounds that have the illusion of being Eastern European – and a little quasi Latin as a secondary layer of meaning for those familiar with Latin and the Mass. The most difficult part was to quickly invent words that did not remind people of English words. The intent was to create the feeling that a chorus from ancient times was singing.

Dracula is indeed a story of redemption. In this Steven Deitz version of Dracula, there is no cliff hanger at the end. There is no scene that says “Hey, Dracula might still be out there.” Dracula and his minions are completely destroyed by the power of faith in the cross, and the bravery that only love can fuel.

And I say all that partly as a pre-emptive excuse. It was my intent to write a dark piece, but the finished product is more ghastly than I had anticipated. This one time, I slightly regret having acheived my goal. My regret lies in this: my songs of redemption that give the whole production final repose and balance to faith have not been orchestrated. So listening to t he overture by itself is like swallowing a cup of salt….when it should be mixed in with the full meal. It does not make sense to me to orchestrate them now unless preparing a new production.

Perhaps there is an angel out there who will commission me to complete the entire Dracula as a full opera as it should be. I am well aware many have tried on this plot and failed, but those people were not me. 🙂

Lyrics Phonetically
Drah-koh Deh Soh Lay Kree Vah
Eesteh Pray-ah-vah Kree-stoh
Say-yah Mee-ah-stoh Ah-krah Pree-ay-too-ah
Loh-krah Pray-ah-soh-lah-pay
Tay-ah Say Pray-goo-lah-tay
Vee-ah Pray-ah-toe-fay-ah Drah-koh-say-lah
Drah-koh Say-lah

Lyrics as Language
Drako De So Le Kriva
Iste Preava Kristo
Saya Miasto Akra Preatua
Lokra Preasolappe
Tea Se Pregulate
Via Preatofea Drako Se La
Drako Creya

How to Boil an Egg

boil-eggs.jpg

Hey, don’t laugh – I’m just starting to learn all this stuff. Yes, I actually had to ask how to boil an egg. So here’s three approaches to boiling an egg.

Recipe One from Mom

To cook an egg.  Put several eggs in a pan of cold water.  Have the water at least 1/2 inch above the eggs.  Turn heat on high.  As it gets near boiling turn the heat down to medium high (don’t want a too rapid boil).  When the water starts boiling turn to medium heat for a nice simmer.  After 1 1/2 minutes take out the eggs you want to be soft boiled.  Run them under cold water and enjoy.  To get hard boiled eggs – when the water is boiling put the lid on and turn off heat for 12 minutes.  Then run cold water on the eggs to cool them rapidly – now your have boiled eggs.

Recipe Two from Sis

Put eggs in a pan with cold water.  Bring the water to boil in the pan.  Turn it off and let the eggs sit covered in the pan for 25 minutes.  Rinse the eggs with cold water.  The perfect boiled egg!

How to Boil A Perfect Egg – From Victoria

I once knew a man who thought that the longer you boiled an egg the better it would be.  So he boiled it for an hour and a half….and was astounded at the result.  He obviously had no experience in a kitchen.  His wife was a wonderful cook.
I’ve seen involved recipes – too complicated to be able to follow through.  I finally worked out the plan that I now use.  I think you have to consider what your ultimate goal is.  For me — it’s having an egg that is tasty.  If, when I begin to crack the egg, I see that it is going to be too runny, I quickly close the still-hot  shell and let the heat of the shell do a little more cooking.  If the egg is too hard when I eat it — I think oh well, next time I’ll do it a little different.  Bottom line — just remember — you’re a good egg.

For a soft egg — put eggs into cold water on a cold burner.  Turn the heat to medium high and bring the water to a boil.  Cover the pan and turn the burner off.  Let sit for 4 minutes.

For a medium egg — do the same – but let sit for 6 minutes.

For a hard egg — same procedure — but let sit for 9 minutes.

I take my eggs right from the frig and never seem to have any problems with them cracking if I don’t have the heat too high.  It doesn’t matter if they crack anyway, unless you’re coloring them for Easter.  The membrane inside the shell keeps the egg safe.

The Shoulders of Knowledge

alberteinstein.jpg

Somebody who only reads newspapers and at best books of contemporary authors looks to me like an extremely near-sighted person who scorns eyeglasses. He is completely dependent on the prejudices and fashions of his times, since he never gets to see or hear anything else. And what a person thinks on his own without being stimulated by the thoughts and experiences of other people is even in the best case rather paltry and monotonous.

There are only a few enlightened people with a lucid mind and style and with good taste within a century. What has been preserved of their work belongs among the most precious possessions of mankind. We owe it to a few writers of antiquity (Plato, Aristotle, etc.) that the people in the Middle Ages could slowly extricate themselves from the superstitions and ignorance that had darkened life for more than half a millennium. Nothing is more needed to overcome the modernist’s snobbishness.

– Albert Einstein


Magic Fairies do the dishes

For years magic fairies have been doing my dishes. Sometimes the dishes pile up for a few days but the magic fairies always make their way around. I don’t leave food or money for them because fairies don’t eat food and don’t use money. It never occurred to me that there was something I should do because they were always there and I don’t fix what isn’t broken.

So I’m on the road now sitting in my apartment far away from home and can’t help but notice how the dishes are piling up. I let USPS know I was going on the road but wasn’t aware of any particular protocol to let the magic fairies know. Or are they mad at me? Maybe I was supposed to leave money or food after all and nobody told me.

I asked my family about it and they said they would look into it. I received this photo today detailing the tragic death of the magic fairies. This photo shows in detail how they actually clean the dishes…

dishwashing.jpg

So there really aren’t magic fairies that do the dishes? If someone had told me this a long time ago it could have saved me a lot of confusion.

But just in case their are magic fairies, can you tell them that I’m in Canada and I need my dishes done?

Seussical Sound Effects

headphones-spin.gif Here are sound effects you can use in Seussical the Musical. This is a free download. I have provided the files in .wav format so they are ready to burn. The Seussical FX are a single download as a compressed folder.

These are the same effects I used while conducting Seussical the Musical in 2006. It covers effects for the Act II Overture, last scene egg breaking, bird chirping after the egg hatches, Horton’s frustrated elephant call, wild animal grunts for “Monkey Around”, Thunder for opening of Act II, explosion from Jojo’s military scene. I used the water splash sound for when the Cat in the Hat sneezes on the Who’s in “How Lucky You Are”. It was a pretty funny addition.

If you find these sound effects useful or if there’s any problems with them, please drop a note on this post and let me know. Of course I’d love to hear about your Seussical production and how these sound effects worked for you. This sound effects download is free, if you feel like putting a link on your site to mine that would be much appreciated.

Seussical FX Pack Includes:

  1. bang-wonk
  2. bird-chirp
  3. bugle-cartoon
  4. dog-bark
  5. elephant-single-call
  6. explosion
  7. eggshell-crack
  8. grunt1
  9. grunt2
  10. horn-ahooga
  11. horn-comedy
  12. slide-whistle
  13. thunder
  14. water-splash

7,676 kb download in compressed file. All sound fx are in .wav format ready to be burned to CD. On a fast internet connection this free download should only take a couple seconds.

DOWNLOAD SEUSSICAL SOUND EFFECTS

Click on link above and save this compressed folder to your computer. Once downloaded, right click on the compressed folder and select “extract” to uncompress the folder contents.

Drop a note and let me know how these worked for you. ROCK ON SEUSSICAL!

TECH NOTES:
I ran the sound fx live from a virtual keyboard on a laptop. It allowed me to time the fx exactly where I wanted them. You could also have a sound tech run the effects, but they might need a couple cd players with fast transports (For instance, in the Overture to Act II if you want three distinct “wonk” sounds, this would require fast juggling between the CD players).

I added the slide whistle in a lot more than the score called for – had a great effect especially in the circus scenes.

Update May 2009
“VIRTUAL KEYBOARD” – Had a question as to what that is. I used the software Kontakt to map these sound effects to a keyboard, then triggered the sounds live from a midi keyboard connected to my laptop. This gives easy triggering for keyboardists that can time the sounds to the action, or trigger the sound effects to the exact beat needed in the scores (like in the Entracte to Act II). Kontakt costs several hundred dollars and has a little learning curve to get into. If you’re used to using music software, you should be able to figure out how to drag the sounds to the software, with only a few *minro* headaches (translation: it’s not super dooper easy for a first time user).

Rap – Destruction of Alexandria Library

alexandria-library.jpgT-Stylez, a member of our RapDogs.com hip hop battle forum, said he could write about any subject and wanted people to test him. I gave him the subject of the Destruction of the Library at Alexandria. Here’s what he came up with:

Third century BC, Aristotle student Demetrius of Phaleron
had a idea for a library Which was gonna be so strong
that scribes were so precise that the originals were in the Library
Egypt had the finest library in the world, u gotta agree
Then According to “Plutarch lives” written at the second century
the man known as Caesar, had a conquest a 48 BC
He wanted to burn the library by settin of a fire-in-docks
But it didnt work good so he luckely didnt retire-the-rocks*
But Then there was a emperor named Aurelian with a revolt
It made huge loses but the library still was good controlled
Was it known as the everlasting or as the lucky thing
But in 391 theophilus had something to bring,
Or rather to take cuz he took away alot of the books
Right after that in 641 the muslims took some looks
All the books need to have on of the biggest erases
so Commander Amr bin al’s dilemma then took a big places
Touching the books you mention, if what is written in them agrees with the Book of God,
they are not required; if it disagrees, they are not desired. Destroy them therefore hot.”
Now a days some historians say its just a false tale
If u ask me, this library was unable to fail