APPLE CALLS IT QUITS AFTER FOUR DECADES
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Computer Icon Goes Under But Brand Will Continue
San Francisco April 1st, 2017
In a surprise announcement by Apple Computer’s Board of Directors, Apple offices and warehouses will begin liquidation as part of its chapter eleven bankruptcy application. The Macintosh computer brand which briefly dominated the 1980’s and revolutionized the home computer industry will continue under a private labeling deal with Microsoft. The rival company has owned 12% of Apple since the year 2000.
Apple shares began a sharp decline after their cash cow products, the iPod and iPhone, lost traction to Verizon’s “Fug-Fone,†a cellular device pre-loaded with the combined catalogs of the three major record companies, as well as Yahoo, AOL and Microsoft with their $10 a month subscription services. “Loss of market share and the litigation by music publishing concerns has put us in an untenable position,†said the Board.
Apple will be holding close-outs of its12 remaining stores this weekend. Extra police will be on hand in response to Mac-loyalists who threatened to blockade and reside in the stores in protest.
Left over inventory will be donated to, AppleCares, a non-profit Foundation who will distribute the goods to underdeveloped nations in need of iPod accessories.
Apple’s CEO, Steve Jobs has been in seclusion and could not be reached for comment.
APRIL FOOLS!!!