I have learned much in this life. Some that I have learned are things that I wish I hadn’t. That is my introduction to Haggis, the unearthly revenge of Scotsmen they call food.
Lutefisk is something I am proud of as a Norwegian. True, it’s entirely disgusting. But Lutefisk gives Norwegians something to talk about when news is slow. I would guess that somewhere in the history of Scotland there must have been one too many rainy days. Somewhere, someone who did not want to be known, created the first Haggis.
Haggis is a traditional Scottish dish. Although there are many recipes, it is normally made with the following ingredients: sheep’s ‘pluck’ (heart, liver and lungs), minced with onion, oatmeal, suet, spices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal’s stomach for approximately an hour.
I tried Haggis for the first time recently, or more accurately: Haggis tried me. I had been asked to direct some music for a Robert Burns dinner for the local Celtic Arts society (which was very fun, I even wrote some songs for the Burns dinner which you can find on my website here by searching for “Robert Burns music”.) The Master of Ceremonies for the Burns supper, Skye Richendrfer, asked one of our sopranos to lead the dinner guests in Auld Lang Syne and here is where our evening took a devlish turn: She innocently said, “Sure, I’d love to. As long as we can try some Haggis, I’ve never tried it.”
The words still echo a chill down my spine. We had no idea what we were in for.
If you cannot afford to buy authentic Haggis, let me explain to you how to make a substitute. Take a recipe for meatloaf and leave a chunk of that on your doorstep in the rain for a couple days. Make sure to invite creepy crawlies to nibble on it. Then leave it on your kitchen counter for a couple weeks. Next put it in your refrigerator and take it back out about two years later. That will be a close second.
But there’s an upside, and here’s where Haggis wins over the much loved Lutefisk. With Haggis you get to wash it down with Tequila and lime. If the Sons of Norway lodges would start serving Aquavit (Scandinavian Everclear) then we might have a fighting chance against the Scots.
I have eaten three things that are badges of courage: Haggis, Lutefisk and dog in South Korea. My Haggis badge I wear highest.
MODERN HAGGIS LORE
Haggis is an amusing subject for many people. Those who ask a Scotsman about it rarely get a straight answer. A common reply to the question “What is a haggis?” often goes along the following lines. “A haggis is a small three-legged Scottish Highland creature, which has the limbs on one side shorter than the other side. This means that it is well adapted to run around the hills at a steady altitude, without either ascending or descending. However a haggis can easily be caught by running around the hill in the opposite direction.” Surprisingly, this humorous myth is believed by many tourists, and thus they are shocked — and possibly disappointed — to hear the truth. See also sidehill gouger.
Many tourists are also duped (or nearly duped) by Scottish pranksters attempting to lead them on a ‘Wild Haggis Hunt’. The Scotsman newspaper’s web site runs an annual Haggis Hunt.
Haggis is also used in a sport called haggis hurling, throwing a haggis as far as possible. The present World Record for Haggis Hurling has been held by Alan Pettigrew for over 21 years. He threw a 1.5 lb Haggis an astonishing 180 feet, 10 inches on the island of Inchmurrin, Loch Lomond, in August 1984.