Funniest Musician Ad 2008

Just barely into 2008 I nominate this as the funniest musician ad. This is an actual listing off the Craig’s List website:

Hi my name is *name edited* and I am a Bluesman. I play a 1961 Fender Stratocaster which is all original and strung with .011’s into an Ibanez tubescreamer which has been modified with a 4558 chip and all carbon comp resistors. I use a Fender Deluxe Reverb amplifier which was gutted and all the resistors were replaced with NOS allen bradley carbon comps. I play the real blues like my main man Stevie Ray Vaughan, in fact I have one of his guitar picks which I wear around my neck for mojo. I am currently engaged to an african-american woman from Arkansas and our experiences together (such as people whispering about us and the dirty looks we get at dinner) form the basis for my blues.

I need a bass player and a drummer to back me up in the studio and maybe for some gigs too. The bass player needs to have a Fender bass built BEFORE 1965 with no ceramic tone caps ( I will have my tech at auditions to open up and check) must use all tube amplifiers pre-1980, with an 8×10 cabinet and own transportation. The drummist needs to be familiar with all the various blues beats like the shuffle, the flat tire, the shug, the funky dunk, and the whap-a-dang. Please, no Sonar or Pearl kits!

I have written an album;s worth of songs “The Blues Are Falling Down On Me” “Cold Blue Rain” “I Got The Blues For My Baby” “Bluesman Blues”. And need a back up band to help record it.

When applying for either position, please send a detailed description of your equipment (with photos) along with photos of yourself in gig clothing. After receiving that, I will call you to arrange an audition.

I got my mojo woiking and I hope yours is too!

Yamaha S90 ES – Best Touch Keyboard

 yamaha-s90-es.jpg

I spent several hours at Guitar Center in Seattle, WA yesterday playing all of their 88-key keyboards. I was looking for the best overall controller; a keyboard that I could play legit piano on, but also fast synth runs, control zones and utilize aftertouch for samples. The internal sounds were not important to me.

From their selection I like the Yamaha S90 ES best for overall touch for all applications as a controller keyboard. Players that have to do piano and complex synth on the same board know what a challenge this can be. For piano tracks you need the weighted action so you don’t realize it’s not a “real” piano, and for synth you need a quick action to do the fast sixteenth note runs without getting bogged down.

Some nice extra perks on the Yamaha S90 ES include four zone control sliders on the front that are easily accessible for mixing samples. Also has variable velocity curves for different styles of playing (light for synth work and heavier for legit piano feel). When I clicked on the Performance bank to just check out the sounds too, I was surprised that I really dug the internal drum samples. Found myself actually jamming for a bit with the grooves and most important of all: Forgetting I was playing a synth, not a piano. To me that’s the bottom line. If I have to think about the instrument, it’s no good to me. I need to get lost in the feel and lines of what I’m doing.

And a little plug for Guitar Center. As much bad press as they get for customer service, I had a salesman who got me all the manuals for everything I wanted and was there to answer any question I had. I never felt like I was bothering him. I’m not exactly a salesman’s dream at a music store – I’m very picky, always want to read manuals and don’t care for small talk. Thank you to Jovonn who helped me out.

Often people ask me what the best keyboard is to get. You really can’t go wrong with any board by Roland, Yamaha or Korg. In general, Korg has the best variety of sounds and Yamaha has the best feel. But my overall favorite is usually Roland, so I was surprised to see that a Yamaha board won my heart (I own several keyboards by all three manufacturers).

OVERVIEW

Is the S90 ES an 88-note weighted action digital piano with the sonic flexibility of a synth or a synthesizer with the best sounding piano samples ever available? Actually, it’s the perfect balance of both. The new multi-velocity stereo samples of Yamaha’s hand-built S700 grand piano, the damper reverb effects, and half damper capability all ensure the S90 ES has the most expressive acoustic piano sound Yamaha has ever offered in a synthesizer.

The 128-note polyphony tone generator based on the award winning Motif ES (including 8 inserts, 2 system and separate mastering effects) and Studio Connections, mLAN, and PLG expandability give it all the sonic power and control flexibility of our Motif ES workstation lineup. The new S90 ES, the perfect balance of synthesizer and piano.

Gloria Challenge Part V – The Performance

If you’ve been following along with the “Gloria Challenge” then this page has everything you might be interested in. Full instrument and conductor scores, rehearsal MP3’s, final performance MP3 and links to posts made during the process.

The “Gloria Challenge” was to follow the footsteps of JS Bach to compose and perform a full scale sacred work for SATB Chorus and Chamber Orchestra at a church service, and to do it all within one week. The piece I composed was the “Christmas Gloria” and it was performed at the Christmas Eve service at Mount Vernon Presbyterian Church in Mount Vernon, WA.

Here’s an Mp3 of the Christmas Eve presentation:

http://conradaskland.com/downloads/Christmas-Gloria/Christmas-Gloria.mp3

I had setup several high end microphones to get a quality recording, but my tapes would not format for the recording. So as a last resort I set a CD recorder on top of the church organ and recorded off it’s internal mics. I’m disappointed we didn’t get a better recording, but it will give you an idea of the piece.

The “Gloria Challenge” came about as I was Googling “JS Bach” a couple weeks ago and read again how he composed so much music for the entire church year, often preparing a full scale piece in a single week. That has always fascinated me, so I thought I’d take a swing at it and see what I could do. It was a great devotional time for me, and a bit tense to get it all together.

Thank you SO MUCH to all the vocalists and musicians who took the challenge and stepped up to the plate.

The process was gruelling to do this in a week. I was pretty sick the evening of our performance and collapsed Christmas Day. If I did this on a regular basis I think it would go much smoother. But I was pleased with the finished product. From talking to chorus members most of them were pleased as well considering the time restraints. The choir got one three hour rehearsal – then a run-through before the performance.

Of course it’s all just a scholastic game if the piece doesn’t inspire the listener and fit appropriately into the service. From feedback I’ve received people were very moved by the piece. There was a thirty second standing ovation at the end of the piece. That’s a little rare for church services, especially a Christmas Eve service. I take it that people were very moved by the text and music.

For me, the piece brought alive the mystery and nobility of Christmas. It also brought some depth to the season for me as I was huddled in seclusion working on the piece instead of watching Christmas specials on tv.

The dedication for the Christmas Gloria is to Ruth Haines and the Mount Vernon Presbyterian Church choir. I really enjoyed the couple years I spent with all of you as music director at MVPres. And thanks to Ruth Haines who always kept me organized even when I didn’t know it.

So yes, I’d say we did it.

Christmas Gloria Musicians:
Trumpet – Cindy Luna
French Horn – Amanda McDaniel
Tuba – Bruce Hanna
Oboe – Rebecca Wright
Flute – Linda Slone
Clarinet – Michelle Hanna
Harpsichord – Ruth Haines
Double Bass – Marilyn Parman
Timpani – Todd Parks

Christmas Gloria Instrument Scores

MP3 Gloria practice tracks for musicians and vocalists:

Christmas Gloria Final Scores Ready

Final scores are now available for the Christmas Gloria for performance Christmas Eve. Players and singers will receive new scores on Christmas Eve. Would advise that instrumentalists and soloists transfer former rehearsal notes into these new scores. You can print them ahead of time if that’s easier for you.

CLICK HERE FOR PAGE WITH FINAL SCORES

Very few note changes. Most changes were adding phrasing marks.

Here’s an overview of changes:

  • Articulations and phrasing marks added
  • Baroque ornamentations added to Flute and Oboe (trills and mordents)
  • SATB Chorus rephrasing of “Glorificamus Te” section.
  • Note values changed in final section – stronger delineation between orchestra and chorus
  • Trio section – phrasing marks added – added lyrics “bonae voluntatis” to end
  • Tuba part re-scored to anchor on lowest A range.
  • Oboe/Flute parts swapped in first section
  • Timpani part combined to include Timpani, Concert Bass Drum, Triangle and Sleigh Bells

Gloria Challenge Part IV – Press Release

Press release by Vicky McCarty:

Imagine what it must have been like to be there the night Silent Night was heard the first time. Or any of the lasting works of composers who excitedly sat and composed to have special music ready for Christmas. Hearing a major work for the first time – being present at the debut is something that not everyone has an opportunity to experience. But those attending the candlelight service at Mount Vernon Presbyterian Church on Christmas Eve will have such an experience.

Conrad Askland has been working in the mode of the old masters, and an assemblage of musicians and singers will perform for the first time his work, Gloria in D. This is an undertaking similar to that of years past. It will be a meaningful Christmas experience, and a wonderful Christmas gift to the community.

Askland has been music director at MVPC for the last year and has directed the music for several theatrical productions in Skagit county. The Christmas eve performance will be his last before he leaves to be Assistant Bandleader and Keyboardist for Cirque du Soleil in Macau, China.

Gloria In Excelsis Deo – Latin and English

Latin text

Gloria in excélsis Deo
Et in terra pax homínibus bonae voluntátis.
Laudámus te.
Benedícimus te.
Adorámus te.
Glorificámus te.
Grátias ágimus tibi propter magnam glóriam tuam,
Dómine Deus, Rex cæléstis, Deus Pater omnípotens.
Dómine Fili unigénite, Jesu Christe.
Dómine Deus, Agnus Dei, Fílius Patris.
Qui tollis peccáta mundi, miserére nobis.
Qui tollis peccáta mundi, súscipe deprecatiónem nostram.
Qui sedes ad déxteram Patris, miserére nobis.
Quóniam tu solus Sanctus.
Tu solus Dóminus,
Tu solus Altíssimus, Jesu Christe,
Cum Sancto Spíritu in glória Dei Patris. Amen.

Literal English Translation

Glory in the heights to God
And on earth peace to men of good will.
We praise You.
We bless You.
We adore You.
We glorify You.
We give You thanks for Your great Glory.
Lord God, heavenly King, God the Father almighty.
Lord the only-begotten Son, Jesus Christ.
Lord God, Lamb of God, Son of the Father.
You who take away the sins of the world, have mercy on us.
You who take away the sins of the world, receive our prayer.
You who sit at the right hand of the Father, have mercy on us.
For You alone [are] the Holy One.
You alone [are] the Lord.
You alone [are the] Most High, Jesus Christ.
With the Holy Spirit, in the glory of God the Father. Amen.

Gloria Challenge – Part III

*Updated 12/23/07 – These scores are now final versions. Please transfer rehearsal markings to these new scores. We will have copies of new scores for you on Christmas Eve. 5pm call time for rehearsal with chorus and chamber orchestra.*

Musicians – your scores are available in .pdf format here:

Christmas Gloria Instrument Scores

MP3 Gloria practice tracks for musicians and vocalists:

Premiere performance will be at the 7pm Christmas Eve service at Mount Vernon Presbyterian Church – 15th and Broadway in Mount Vernon, WA.

Gloria Challenge – Part II

Ah…the Gloria Challenge Part II. I thought I’d write a little background on why I think it’s so cool, and some of the earthly details on creating inspiration.

The “Gloria Challenge” is to write a complete Gloria for chorus, chamber orchestra and organ in one week. And then perform it Christmas Eve.

Original post of the Gloria Challenge click here

I’m a JS Bach nut. Most people that know me get that well enough. If I could listen to just JS Bach the rest of my life I’d be a happy man. I was raised Lutheran, so there’s that whole part of it too. JS Bach was Lutheran, and the king of counterpoint, and the king of Baroque music. He had several sons who were also composers – they called him the “old Bach” and thought his music to be old fashioned. Bach had lots of personality problems with his church employers – and from most accounts they didn’t really realize what they had. Part of Bach’s duties was to rehearse the choirs and write weekly Cantatas for the services. I think he has three existing yearly cycles – that’s three years of different chorales and cantatas for each week of the church calendar.

One of Bach’s sons was given all of the old JS Bach manuscripts when his father died. The son ran into money problems himself at the end of his life and sold many of them. I think I even heard a story that some of Bach’s songs were used to wrap cheese. His music was largely forgotten until Mendellsohn revived and re-discovered JS Bach’s music. Ever since then Bach’s music has been revered as some of the best in Western civilization. Bach lived 1685-1750, his death closed the era of what we call the Baroque Period. Mendellsohn revived the music around 1820. That’s all off the top of my head, feel free to correct me on dates.

Bach was very devout to his faith. On all his manuscripts he would write “S.D.G.” for “Soli Deo Gloria” – or “Only for the Glory to God”. It was a reminder of what his music work was all about. He even had manuscript paper created for him that had the S.D.G. watermark.

So that’s some background. The part that has always fascinated me is how he often wrote a full work in just a week and then had it performed at the church service. I always wanted to do that….I’m sure I’m not the first musician to have a little Bach fantasy like that.

While I’m waiting for my next Cirque Du Soleil gig to start I’ve finished all my theater shows and concerts. The only thing left is to finish my post as music director of a church through Christmas Eve. I get stir crazy pretty quick – so last week late at night I emailed a couple musicians to see if they’d like to play for Christmas Eve. I got a couple responses that people were busy – which was great, because the next morning I realized how much extra work that would be. But one musician emailed back Tuesday night and said they had cancelled their gig with the Philharmonic to play for the service.

Yikes! Now I was stuck – I had messed with a musician’s income. I decided Tuesday night to go ahead and try to write a Gloria in week. I set my scoring computer up and started Wednesday at 3pm. My deadline is the following Wednesday at 6pm – to have the piece complete for chorus, organ and chamber orchestra. As crazy as the challenge is – several musicians from my pit orchestras have volunteered to play the piece and we have emails flying all over the place to beef up our chorus.

I worked on the piece all day Thurs-Fri-Sat – Right now the score is 14 minutes long at about 50 pages. I’m going to have to cut it down quite a bit but I’m very pleased with the progress. It’s in neo-classical style. Since the piece is also a tribute to the work of Bach – it begins with the chorus singing “Soli Deo Gloria”.

Here is the original GLORIA latin text:

Gloria in excelsis Deo,
et in terra pax hominibus
bonae voluntatis.

Laudamus te.
Benedicimus te.
Adoramus te.
Glorificamus te.

Gratias agimus tibi
propter magnam gloriam tuam.

Domine Deus, Rex coelestis,
Deus Pater omnipotens.
Domine Fili unigenite
Jesu Christe.
Domine Deus, Agnus Dei,
Filius Patris.

I have used this portion of the text in this order, with addition of SDG:

Soli Deo Gloria – Only for the Glory of God

Domine Deus, Rex coelestis, – Lord God, heavenly King, God the Father almighty
Deus Pater omnipotens. – Lord the only
Domine Fili unigenite – begotten Son
Jesu Christe. – Jesus Christ
Domine Deus, – Lord God
Agnus Dei, – Lamb of God
Filius Patris. – Son of the Father

Gloria in excelsis Deo, – Glory in the heights to God
et in terra pax hominibus – And on earth peace to men
bonae voluntatis. – of good will.

The whole first paragraph takes up only about 45 seconds, where Gloria in excelsis Deo is the bulk of the piece, with a duet around “et in terra pax hominibus” and chorus responds with “bonae voluntatis”.

The beginning paragraph is set for a dark Medieval sound, which to me signifies part of the mystery of Christmas. The waiting and apprehension of not quite knowing what is coming. Sure, we know now – we’ve got the book. But what did it feel like back then for people that knew it was coming, but weren’t at the pretty manger scene. Was it a little scary and unsure?

After the intro the Gloria breaks into a traditional neo-Baroque sound that is a mix of Handel and Bach. Brass fourths and french horn hunting calls with timpani and woodwinds in Baroque motor rhythms. The “et in terra pax” is a duet with a slightly modern sound, but still something Bach could have done. This is a respite from the banging of the timpani and honking of the brass. Then the chorus resumes with the main uptempo theme, does a circle of fifths walkdown and build up into a pipe organ cadenza, then finishes with royal fanfare.

Now the sleigh bells…..yes, I put a section in for sleigh bells. I realize it has nothing to do with the biblical Christmas story, and that Santa Claus nor his reindeer appear in either Matthew, Mark, Luke OR John. But it makes me laugh everytime I think about it, and the Gloria is ALL about joy. So they stay in.

So there it is. Scores will be available in a few days and I’ll post scores and recording after Christmas so you can check it out.

My mother asked me how the piece was coming along and I said sadly, “It doesn’t sound as good as Bach” to which she replied: “Hmpfff….that’s only YOUR opinion.”

Bach wouldn’t be impressed. No one can be Bach. But I think he’d be flattered that 300 years later we’re still in awe of his passion and music.

The congregation will decide Christmas Eve if we hit the mark or not……..

A Musician’s Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the venue,
Not a creature was stirring, as I read the dessert menu,
The decorations were hung on the stage with care,
In hopes that the band members would soon be there!

My date and I had just been royally fed,
While visions of a good time danced in our heads,
And I in my dancing duds and the girl I just met,
Had just settled in to watch a four hour set!

When out in a parking lot, there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter,
Away to the door I flew like a flash,
To see a drummer and bassist, completely smashed!

They were unloading the equipment in the new-fallen snow,
From the van, which had traveled all the way from Fargo,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the rest of the drunken band, all swilling beers!

With a little old manager, so angry and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Nasty Nick,
More rapid than eagles his curses they came,
And he bitched, and shouted, and called them all names!

“Now, DRUMMER! now, BASSIST! now KEYBORDS! and TRUMPET!
On GUITARIST! on SAX! on TROMBONE! and VOCALIST!
To the top of the loading ramp!  To the top of the wall!
Get the equipment inside before you all fall!”,

And then, in a twinkling, I heard at the door,
The slipping and sliding as they fell to the floor,
As I gave them a hand and was turning around,
I had to wonder at how they might sound!

The lead singer was dressed in leather, from his head to his feet,
And his clothes looked very slept in, not at all neat,
A bundle of microphones he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack!

His eyes – how they twinkled!  I was becoming quite wary,
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry,
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
As he took another swig from his bottle of Old Crow!

He was staggering around as the band tuned up, way off key,
I laughed when I saw him, in spite of me,
With a wink of his eye and a flick of his hand,
The group blasted into a tune by some obscure band!

He sang not a word, but went straight to his mic,
Hoping he had picked a song the audience would like,
Then STOPPED the music just as it was getting noisy,
And announced “We’re in the wrong club, we’re supposed to be in Boise!”

They jumped back in their van, amidst jeers and whistles,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle,
But I heard them exclaim, ere they drove out of sight,
“HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!”

The Gloria Challenge

It’s just to much fun not to take the challenge. One week to write a Gloria for SATB, Chamber Orchestra and Organ. I’m starting on it today. If you’re a local musician and would like to be scored into the piece for our 7pm Christmas Eve service in Mount Vernon, WA please email me.

Vocalists interested in joining us on the piece for Christmas Eve please join us for practice Wednesday December 19 from 6-9pm at Mount Vernon Presbyterian Church – 15th and Broadway across from Skagit Hospital.

Will I pull it off? Is it too much and I’ll fall on my face? Will it sound good and inspire men’s hearts or be some superficial diddy suitable only for a child’s toy? Will it be the greatest music ever heard? Stay tuned….