1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
11. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
13. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
14. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
A few more…
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the
people all of the time, but you can’t fool Mom.
The more decrepit the vehicle, the more maniacal the driver.
Justice always prevails … three times out of seven.
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy
somebody else to shoot at.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
If you ever make something idiot-proof, nature will invent a better idiot.
If you think you understand science (or computers or women), you’re
clearly not an expert.