You Know You’re In Macau When

1.Your 10 year Passport is full inside 2 years.
2.Most conversations with your friends involve mobile phones.
3.None of the sea-front buildings existed when you arrived. The shoreline itself shifted by half a mile.
4.Your best friends come from Australia, New Zealand, Canada, America, Angola, and Portugal.
5.You can’t put a proper sentence together in your native language.

6.You got really excited when Starbucks opened their first outlet in Macau.
7.At the movies, you take bets on the number of phones that go off during the performance.
8.The funniest jokes revolve around the Hash or DD.
9.You developed an acquired taste for mooncakes.
10.In a crowd or a queue, you learnt to stay away from frail-looking old ladies carrying umbrellas.
11.You seriously considered taking up golf.
12.You think a half hour car journey is a long way.
13.You have stopped noticing the grotesquely deformed leper in Leal Senado square.
14.The “New Bridge” is now the “old bridge”.
15.You no longer notice all the empty apartments in the new blocks.
16.The weather is good when you can see Taipa.
17.When it’s 10c it’s cold!
18.All you like is Louis Vuitton clothes.
19.You don’t notice people playing live dice.
20.It’s OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window.
21.Thanks to karaoke, you know who has the best singing talent in your company.(Not that this is a great achievement.)
22.You believe that pressing the lift button 63 times will make it come faster.
23.The ultimate status symbol is a Macau ID card.
24.You know it is useless to protest when the lady at the supermarket checkout wraps one toothbrush in 6 plastic bags.
25.You will never EVER eat Chicken feet.
26.You learn to recognize Chinese Characters for Macau and Taipa.
27.You aren’t aware that one is supposed to pay for software.
28.Pink bathroom tiles can make any building or public garden beautiful.
29.Your colleagues eat sun-dried cuttlefish coated in sugar and you don’t bat an eyelid.
30.You actually purchased a Canto-pop CD.
31.You actually played it several times.
32.You believe gambling and eating are the only forms of entertainment in Macau.
33.Going to McDonalds is a real treat!
34.You think that Hong Kong drivers are good.
35.You believe seafood has mercury, hepatitis B and cholera.
36.You have attended at least 4 weddings and a funeral in a language you don’t understand at all.
37.A PhD in Nuclear Physics fluent in 7 languages irons your socks for a pittance but she is from the Philippines so it’s all right.
38.All the clothes you own are tailor-made or come from Giordano.
39.You are not surprised to see your tap water run dark brown.
40.Drilling on the walls in the wee small hours in the morning is considered acceptable behaviour.
41.If it’s Friday, it must be Typhoon 3 day.
42.If it’s Saturday, it must be Typhoon 8 day.
43.You tell your parents their house back home has bad Feng Shui.
44.You pronounce Feng shui, and Fung Shoi.
45.You get offended when people admire your chopsticks skills.
46.You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.
47.You learnt to bring a coat, a scarf and gloves to fight hypothermia in supermarkets, buses, ferries and cinemas.
48.Your collection of business cards has outgrown your flat.
49.You are convinced that the only thing that moves more slowly than continental drift is the queue at the ferry immigration.
50.You are not surprised to see 85-year old ladies pushing tons of garbage up the streets of the financial district.
51.You understand that all the roads in Macau end up at the Lisboa.
52.If someone smiles at you for no particular reason, you know she is a Philippina.
53.You know that leather shoes can grow leaves during the wet season.
54.The word “wildlife” refers to the family of cockroaches that dwells in your kitchen.
55.You use the word “Ayyiiaaahh” every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain, or anger.
56.You speak enough Cantonese to make your colleagues laugh their heads off.
57.You are not surprised to find footprints on the edge of the toilet bowl.
58.You believe you are really tall when you are only 5’8″.
59.You know that leaving Macau will break your heart.
60.You read this list and understand everything.


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